It’s Okay to Cry in Target (A Father’s Day Reflection)

The first Father’s Day after my father died was looming, and I was dreading it. As the youngest of six children, I was definitely a Daddy’s girl, even though I was a grown adult with my own family. He was my hero, and I couldn’t bear to think about Father’s Day without him. At the same time, I knew I could not ignore this day, as that would not be fair to my husband and children. They deserved to have a celebration.

One busy summer morning, I needed to stop by Target for a few things. I thought I might as well let the kids choose a card for their dad while we there. Thinking about my long to – do list that morning had distracted me, and I was not prepared for the rush of emotion.

As I approached the festive greeting card aisle, the tears began to flow. It hit me like a ton of bricks, that I was not able to give my dad a card this year. My children (ages 7 and 11 at the time) were so embarrassed they moved to the end of the aisle and pretended they did not know me. Other shoppers were staring. After a brief thought that I should be embarrassed and stop, I didn’t consider what others were thinking about me.

While I stood staring at the Happy Father’s Day cards, I could not stop the tears. After reflecting upon this later, I understood that what happened was okay! At that moment, in that place, I needed to grieve. That’s part of grief: we cannot just put it in a box and deal with it only when we choose. Sometimes it appears unexpectedly, and sometimes that can help us heal; even if it means crying in Target.

I was able to pull myself together and help my children choose a card so that we could go home. Our Father’s day celebration was quieter than normal that year, but I believe my husband and children were satisfied.

For those of you approaching your first Father’s Day without your father, I am truly sorry for your loss. Please be kind to yourself. Grief affects each of us very differently and on very different timelines. Don’t feel pressured by advertising or social media. Celebrate (or don’t celebrate) in a way that makes sense for you and your family.

An anonymous quote that I have seen numerous times states, “Grief is the last act of love we can give to those we loved. Where there is deep grief, there was great love.” I did feel deep grief that day and many more days, but I also felt the great love.

Coping with grief on Father’s Day is difficult. I wish you peace and love on this day. Please give yourself some grace, and remember, it’s okay to cry in Target.